cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this boner is exhausting
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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