Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
