I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
