Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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