sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
