mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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