Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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