I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
