Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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