You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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