so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
