I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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