Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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