i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
