you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
