I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
