after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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