I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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