I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
