I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
