what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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