I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
