my phone needs a breathalizer
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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