Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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