I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
