My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she looked like the before picture.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
