Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
