Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
