Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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