My liver just broke up with me...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
only you would photoshop your dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
