pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
