I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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