he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
