Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
