who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
