how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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