Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
