the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
