I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
