she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
