Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
