WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
