Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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