Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
