i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
