He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
