she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
