Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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