but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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