Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I love you.
Bad choice
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