Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
