maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
