guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she smelled like a LAN party
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
