I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
