You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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