Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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