Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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