im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
