One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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