Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
