I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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