I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
