i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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