Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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