I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
