u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
