so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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