I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Who died my cat blue again?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
