My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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