Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.