Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once