I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.