Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just blew my weed a kiss
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,