I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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